I am, without color

dressedblackwhitejpgI’m not sure how old I was when I first refused color on my person. The age when I looked my colorful Mother in the eye and said, “Nope, so sorry. No can do on the pink, or the blue, or the purple or the yellow or anything else that hints at colorful warmth and personality.”

My closet choices are extremely simple. 85% of my clothes are either black, or they are white. I’ve allowed a few pieces of gray, brown and dark earth toned greens to sneak in, but those usually sit in my closet ignored. Anyone that knows me or has seen my photos may have noticed it appears I’m wearing the same clothes, over and over……but I’m not. They are simply of the same non-color choice. Black or white.

I know there are some that would assume my absence of color is a way to blend into the background. That wearing black or white is a visual withdrawal from the eye’s of mainstream. I disagree. When I walk into a room I will be seen, I will make my presence known and I do not hide in the corner. I don’t need a bold color to let the world know I’ve arrived or if I’m going to be involved. Interpretation of that statement will be either arrogance or self confidence….a judgement I can not control.

The truth is, my mind is already overactive and vivid enough without adding to the cause. A red flower screams for my attention, a yellow leaf on the ground has my eye’s pinned to it’s allure. An overtly blue sky captivates me. Right now the streets are lined with the most delicious pinks and reds from the budding trees. I could trip over myself from admiration. But it goes farther then the obvious visual delights around us. In the strange lands which I shall deem my mind, I see colors beyond the scope of explanation. Emotions are colorful. Music flows around me in color. Words are color. Energy off an excited person is a color. And no, I can’t explain this, it is what it is….Those colors are a constant, breathing in and out of my mind. It’s damn distracting.

That is why, on me, color is an unnecessary influence. I’m too sensitive to it. The few efforts I’ve made over the years to incorporate a color to my person leaves me agitated, itching and heavily weighed down. I can’t stand it. In my little world, that which is closest to me must be kept monochromatic, simple or I can’t think straight. Clothes, writing materials, personal space.

However, I also understand my lack of color and accessory enhanced personality props, puts a bold circle around me. This circle line can be described as unfriendly, cold, unapproachable and stand offish. I believe thats a temporary impression and once someone gets to know me they know I’m not like that. But, as the old cliche implies, you only get one chance to make a first impression………

Which is why, to some degree, I’m going back to the drawing board in regards to this blog. I’m not sure how much warm and cozy I can bring into this space, but I’m going to try and find a happy medium. A stark and unfriendly impression has never been what I wanted to convey.

Of course, those who already know me, must realize if you come here and find the kiss of blog death sign, error= 404, I was pushing buttons and touched one too many friendly colors. (smile) Or, if you show up here and found yourself trying to read this sideways, that just means I’m knee deep in my template trying to make things better!! So basically, I’m under-construction and things may look strange for bit~